


my god they were roommates

by trueprinci



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Bisexual Lance (Voltron), Gender Dysphoria, M/M, Masturbation, Nonbinary Character, Roommates, Trans Male Character, nonbinary masc keith
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-10
Updated: 2017-11-10
Packaged: 2019-01-31 08:47:05
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,143
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12678468
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/trueprinci/pseuds/trueprinci
Summary: Keith has been called oblivious, naïve, easy to fool. But he definitely can tell when someone beside him is jerking off.





	my god they were roommates

**Author's Note:**

> hey what's up i asked on twitter what everyones favorite fic tropes are so i got college roommates and "desperate klance" and "thorough heart to hearts". shoutout to katya for helping me come with ideas! i'm gay. also GUESS WHAT they're both trans! wow!

Keith has been called oblivious, naïve, easy to fool. But he definitely can tell when someone beside him is jerking off.

Keith lies on his right side, shoulder stiff from knowing he cannot turn around, staring at the wall. He breathes as slow as he can without stopping his breathing altogether, not wanting to be heard in the slightest. He focuses his gaze on a spot of light on the wall that the blinds refuse to keep out.

Not far from him, his roommate Lance is panting, breathing way too heavy. Keith has heard him doing this before, and wonders absently if it's the testosterone that is doing this to him. Probably, he figures. Keith doesn't personally know, but has enough friends on his floor who would vouch for their weekly shots increasing their sex drive.

Lance sighs heavily, and Keith jolts. The sound replays in his head one too many times, and he doesn't know why. He hears Lance shift and turn in bed, the sheets rustling as he adjusts himself. He sighs again, irriated and a little defeated.

 _Couldn't get off?_ Keith thinks to himself. _I could help you with that._ His mind immediately goes haywire at the statement, synapses sparking and short-circuting at the dirty images that flash through his mind. He thinks about himself breathing on Lance's neck as he fingers the lanky boy, Lance holding onto his arms for support as his face contorts tightly. It's too filthy, and does he even know Lance that well? He thinks too hard about not thinking.

"Keith? You awake?"

The tips of Keith's ears burn. Play it cool.

"Huh?" Keith asks, feigning groggy confusion. He rolls over, right shoulder finally free of the stiff position he'd been holding.

Lance lies propped up on one arm, hand resting on his face. His other hand is suspiciously out of sight, beneath the covers. Keith can just barely make out his face in the darkness, and he doesn't wear a happy expression.

"Am I...good enough?"

Keith is floored. " _What?_ "

Keith thinks too hard again, specifically about the images that flashed through his mind while his roommate was jerking off. There was the fact that that happened, and the juxtaposition between that event and Lance's words. Keith doesn't know what to say.

"I dunno," Keith sees Lance stretch his arm out from under his sheets and scratch the back of his head. "I just feel like I'm not good enough for anyone."

Keith grapples with himself for an answer. "What makes you think that?" he manages.

Lance casts his eyes downward, looking away as if bashful of the answer he's about to provide. "Maybe it's just a me thing, but I feel like I'm not desirable enough. Like I'll never have a functional relationship."

Keith worries his brow. "I didn't know you felt like that."

"Yeah," Lance sighs, as if his shoulders are lighter now. "Sorry."

"No, no, you're fine." Keith rubs his eye. He rolls onto his stomach, and looks at Lance with his head placed onto his crossed arms.

"Again, maybe a me thing. But I feel like girls don't want me because I don't have a dick, and I can't...you know..."

"You know what?" Keith doesn't know what.

"Satisfy them. And gay men? They probably don't want me for the same reason."

"Oh," Keith's heart sunk, and his stomach squirmed. He related to that feeling of inadequecy too well. "No, I feel that."

"You do?" Lance asks, perking up. "I thought it was just me." He breathes out slowly.

"No, like, I mean-" Keith searches the wall for a coherent answer. "I'm mostly into guys, and non-binary people too, but I understand."

Lance doesn't say anything for a bit, but his eyes widen. He nods slowly at him.

Lance diverts his eyes. "Besides that, I just don't feel worthwhile, dude."

Keith picks a stray hair off his arm, unsure of how to respond. "Why?"

"I'm just...not as cool as you'd think, you know?"

"No, I don't know."

Lance hesitates, glances at Keith for a moment, and looks like he wants to say something. But he shuts his mouth.

"Well, I don't feel good enough either." Keith offers. He doesn't want to self-depricate in order to relate with his roommate, but if they're gonna have this talk, they're gonna have this talk. He puts himself down enough in his head, he may as well verbalize a bit of it.

Lance picks his head up, raises his eyebrows.

"It's fucking hard." He rubs a hand across his face. "It's hard out here when you hate yourself so much."

Lance looks concerned, and Keith looks away as soon as he notices. He provides the wall, and subsequently Lance, with a weak smile.

"Buddy..."

Keith feels his heart jump, and has to stop his own body from lurching. Of course they're roommates, but Lance has never called him something so...friendly...before. It felt strange in Keith's chest. The feeling bugs him.

Keith slides off his bed, careful to note the drop on the raised bedframe. He moves towards the window and gives the dark sky a long look. The clouds are out in full force still, covering up all the stars. Beside him, Lance shifts from his bed and joins him at the window. The dorm is cramped, so there's not a lot of space between them.

Keith wishes he could look at the bright, blinking stars, confuse the airplanes for stars, and point out constellations with Lance. His chest feels less funny and more tight.

Lance leans on his hands against the windowsill. "Are we talking about how much we hate ourselves now? I'm down."

Keith's gaze brushes over Lance's knuckles, and he resists the urge to put his hand over his roommate's. He doesn't want Lance to hate himself.

Keith chuckles through his nose. "I guess we are."

"I've hated myself since before everyone else was doing it." Lance tells him. Keith can't read the expression on his face.

He chooses to laugh half-heartedly. "What?"

"Yeah, ever since I was a kid. Always hated that I was never brainy or creative. I'm just a fool."

Keith looks at him, and his expression must have portrayed horror, because Lance's face quickly shifts from a grin, to a furrowed brow, back to a grin again.

"It's a joke. It's a joke!"

Keith breaks eye contact and rubs his nose. "That was a shitty joke."

"Fuck you, I'm great at jokes." Lance disagrees, lightly jabbing Keith in the ribs.

"Hating yourself isn't a joke. It sucks everyday, and it's heavy in your stomach all the fucking time. It hurts. It physically hurts. I want to be sick because of how much I hate myself."

Lance raises his hands in defeat. "Okay, okay, you got me there." Lance admits. "I get how you feel."

Keith takes his own turn to sigh. "Sometimes, it gets so bad that I'd rather peel my skin off. The dysphoria doesn't help, either."

Lance nods vigorously. "Man, do I feel that."

"If I know anyone who really wants to die, it's my brother." Keith admits. "Most of the time, I'd rather disappear, maybe float in an endless expanse of space forever."

Lance nods again, but this time does a double take. "Your brother? I didn't know you had a brother."

"Yeah, he's older than me. He's got PTSD." Keith is concious of that fact that he's oversharing, but he can't bring himself to care. He feels like he's already pushed himself over that cliff.

"That's rough, man. I'm sorry." Lance reaches out and places a hand on Keith's shoulder, rubbing slightly. The touch makes Keith's heart jump into his throat.

They stay like that for a moment, not meeting eyes, Lance rubbing Keith's shoulderblade in the dark of night, with not even the moonlight there to illuminate them. Keith steals a look at Lance, and his gaze is warm, fond. Keith visibly turns away, and feels his ears burn once more. Lance retracts his hand.

There's not a lot of talking in the next few minutes. Keith shifts from foot to foot, listening to Lance's breathing. He wishes he could be close enough to hear his heartbeat, and he still doesn't know why he wants it so bad.

"Hey," Lance begins. "We're more alike than I thought." He points out.

"You think so?"

"Yeah. I had a bad first impression of you."

Keith rolls his eyes, looking back mentally on the first month they had been roommates. There were arguments about petty things, little fights over space and organization. "Why did we fight so much, anyway?"

"I don't know. It just took us some time to mesh together." Lance reasons, crossing his arms. "Also," He hesitates a bit. "I wasn't in a good place at the beginning of the semester."

"Why?" Keith asks, turning to read Lance's face. It's not easy in the dark, with only the streetlamps gracing light across his features.

"If I hadn't gotten on T when I did," He rubs the back of his head, shakes his hair out. "I don't know, dude. It would have been bad."

Keith nods in understanding.

"But I feel like such a burden for thinking those thoughts, you know? I didn't want to drag my friends down by telling them I wanted to die so bad, so I didn't."

It's Keith's turn to place a hand on Lance's shoulder. "Lance, you can't keep it all inside, you know."

"Take your own advice, Keith." Lance tells him bitterly.

Keith takes a step back and removes his hand from Lance. He definitely hadn't expected that.

Keith doesn't know what to say, and feels signifigantly called out. For another moment, there's a long, heavy silence, and Keith racks his brain for something to say to make it better, to fill the void of words, patch up the hole in space where they two of them had punched through.

The two of them try to speak at the same time, and interrupt each other, going silent.

Lance goes first. "I'm sorry."

"It's fine, I'm sorry for saying it."

"No, it was an okay thing to say, I get it. I just don't want to follow it." Lance admits.

Keith laughs through his nose, but it comes out nervous. He's glad to at least crack a smile after the awkwardness, though.

Keith pushes his bangs back, grinning. "You're stubborn, you know that?"

"I have to be!" Lance defends.

Keith crosses his arms, shifts his weight to one foot. "Why do you have to be?"

"Because I have to hold true, I have to protect my friends. My family." Lance says earnestly, and his expression falters.

"Hey-" Keith says to that shift in his face, and without thinking, uncrosses his arms and places his hand over Lance's.

Lance jolts physically, and looks at Keith.

"Lance...I spend a lot of time protecting myself, but..." He doesn't want to say the next thing on his mind, but it comes tumbling out of his mouth anyway. "I want to protect the you that protects everyone."

Lance's eyes widen in the dark of night, with little light skating across his face. Keith's chest clenches and his ears burn pink. He freezes, hand unmoving. Lance's hand fidgets beneath his, and moves.

Lance laces their fingers together, and their palms touch.

Keith's brain immediately goes into overdrive, having to face feelings he was trying to push away. He can't stop looking at Lance, and Lance is getting fucking closer, and he leans in and-

They're kissing.

Keith scrunches his eyebrows together, and his free hand flies to Lance's face. Somehow, it feels right to cradle him in that way. Lance's hand touches his waist, and Keith feels himself sigh in content.

When they break apart, Lance isn't looking at him, in fact, he immediately turns around and heads towards his side of the room. He hoists himself onto his lofted bed, turned towards the wall, and tucks himself into bed.

Keith stands in awe until Lance says, "I'm going to bed. Goodnight."

Keith returns to his own bed, and tries not to scream into his pillow. He says to Lance back, "Goodnight" but faces towards the middle of the room, so he can see Lance's back.

Lance glances back at him, completely not discreet, shifting too loudly as he moves. He quickly turns back around, childishly moving the blankets over his head.

Keith snorts.

"Quit smiling."

Keith balks. "I was smiling?"

"Yeah, a shit-eating grin."

"I'm going to bed."

"Well, me too."

"Goodnight."

"Goodnight," Lance says, and then mumbles something.

"What?" Keith asks.

"Goodnightiloveyou!"

Keith's eyes go wide, Lance's voice looping in his head. "Goodnight," Keith blurts out. "I love you."

There's no more talk after that, and that night, Keith sleeps better than he has in a long time.


End file.
